Saturday, November 9, 2013

Pet Peeves - Part One

Luckily, there are few minor things that can set my fuse on fire, but for the sake of some satire and weirdly refreshing complaints pitted against this season of thanks, here is a list of those things:

  1. Misusing the word "crucial." CRUCIAL IS NOT A SYNONYM FOR BRUTAL. Crucial is a synonym for vital, critical, ridiculously important, etc. If you say something like: "Dude, that dance off was crucial," congratulations, you have officially confirmed you shouldn't have passed 6th grade English. Crucial isn't some fancy slang term that's floating about the universe. Even though a slang word is often a word being misused, it still makes sense in the context. If something is crucial, YOU HAVE TO TELL ME WHAT IT WAS CRUCIAL TO.
  2. People who don't understand the basic concepts of walking or driving or just being in an area of moving things. This one absolutely murders me. If you decide you want to have a two hour long chit-chat with your group of friends, don't do it in the middle of the freaking walkway. Can you not carry on a conversation a foot closer to the left?

    If you and your sweetheart are going for a stroll downtown, and by stroll I mean walking slower than the Earth takes a full rotation, it would super courteous if you could just scooch over long enough for those of us who only get really short breaks to not waste said break crawling behind the two of you.

    Finally, if the traffic light is green and the little walk-y sign has a red hand up, that means YOU DON'T WALK. Glad we cleared that up.
  3. People who make everything about race. How dare you make a comment about me enslaving your ancestors because I helped someone else at the jewelry counter first (BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T AROUND TO BE HELPED). You don't know my family history. I have all kinds of Native American in my blood, so let's talk about who should be more upset with maltreatment.  Do you know who is actually biased in this situation? Not me, so enjoy your horrible, lonely, misguided, miserable future.
  4. People who wear pajamas pants out in public. Or bedroom slippers. Who wakes up and says, "Oh, I think these faded-ass Bart Simpson pants will look great with Tigger slippers and a bright pink hoodie with zebra print letters 40x too big?"
  5. When someone only texts back "k." Are you too lazy for the "o?" Not to mention, "k" is absolutely unreadable. Are you mad at me? Are you excited? Do you even care I'm alive?

    The absolute worst WORST time to use "k" is after a long text message pouring out your feelings or explaining something important. So glad you took the time to give me a thought-out response. For Pete's sake.

    Well friends, there you have it. Thank you for reading part one of many more rant sessions. Tell me, are these your pet peeves, too? Lemme know via comment box or Facebook! Have a great weekend and don't stand in the middle of the ________ road!

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