Friday, November 1, 2013

American Thanksgiving List

Well, it's that time of year again. Time to be thankful that the day after we give thanks for all we have, we trample people for the stuff we don't. Here's my take on the American Thanksgiving List:

  1. Automated windows. What are those crank thingies on the door, anyway?
  2. Guns. Because they "kill people."
  3. Pizza. Because pizza.
  4. Welfare. Because you can have everything you want without having to work for it.
  5. PBR. Because it lowers America's standard for beer.
  6. Las Vegas. Because what happens there stays there.
  7. Divorce. Because Vegas.
  8. Starbucks. Because it lowers your standard for coffee.
  9. Government. Because the make your think you have freedoms.
  10. Public College. Because you think you're being trained for you future career.
  11. Private College. Because you pay more for it than public college.
  12. Plastic Surgery. Because how God created you doesn't matter.
  13. Football. Because our version is better.
  14. Dog Strollers. Because they allow our pets to be as fat as us.
  15. Apple Products. Because they don't have that in other countries, right? 
  16. The English Language. Because everyone should speak it.
  17. The South. Because it produces the best lookin' ladies.
  18. Cheeseburgers. Let's be real.
  19. Credit Cards. Because it allows you to buy a lot of crap you don't need.
  20. Immigrants. Because they do the work we think we're too good to do.
  21. The National Anthem. Because even the people who live in America don't know the words.
So far that's the best I've come up with. Did I leave out any? If so, hit up the comments and lemme know what I missed. :)

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