Saturday, September 28, 2013

Reasons why I hate Facebook

I've had a really long love/hate relationship with Facebook. I gladly gave it up for Lent and then was forced back on to be part of a group for one of my classes. I had the app on my phone, I deleted the app off my phone. I've deactivated and reactivated my account countless times. Yeah, Facebook, you say you hope I'll come back but I know you really don't care.

We were at peace for a nice season, and now I'm back in the Hate garden. Here's why:

1. Creepy accounts send me friend requests. If I can't pronounce your name, your picture relates to porn or degrading women, and we have no mutual friends, I'm going to assume you're an ax murderer and I will block you.

2. People who are too young to have a Facebook have a Facebook. If you are under the age of 18 you shouldn't have a Facebook for a couple of reasons. First, axe murderers. Secondly, people in the throws of adolescence sometimes confuse the status text box with their diary. When Facebook asks you "what's on your mind" don't be misled to think the rest of the world actually cares.

3. Candy Crush. I gave in to the incessant invites. 421 levels and probably a shameful amount of money later, my life is ruined.

4. Relationship Statuses. I wish I knew how many people's lives have been ruined by the stupid Facebook relationship status. Facebook is not a medium on which you should holla atcha girl; particularly if it does say I'm in a relationship. Plus, if you do break up, changing that status on FB is the final blow. (It's even worse if it's engaged to.) And all of this "oh, we're not official until it's FB official." SHUTTHEHELLUP. I dare you to try dating like adults.

5. Time gets sucked into a vortex. Oh yeah, you'll just be trolling on FB, probably not minding your own business, and boom, three hours of your life is gone. Congratulations, you just sold a piece of your soul to Grumpy Cat and derp faces.

6. People say things on Facebook they'd never say in person.  Debating and fighting are two different things. This is America, people are allowed to have their own opinion and support whatever they want to. You are not helping end gay rights by typing in all caps and throwing out expletives. And you're annoying everyone else just trying to enjoy all the pictures of animals and children.

7. Poking. You know who really hates his job? The Pillsbury Dough Boy. No one enjoys being prodded in a ticklish spot or rib cage both physically and cyberly.

8. Football Seasons. Politics. Ridiculously self-absorbed couples. Movie premiers. Because why wouldn't this annoy you?

9. Group Messages. I get a notification every time someone says something not concerning me. You can't toy with my emotions like that, FB.

10. Nothing ever stays the same. I can deal with change, but a new layout every week is a bit disorienting. And with every update, I swear FB gets slower.

But I just can't seem to stick with cutting the cord. I guess I just love hating you too much, FB.

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