For most of us, we're currently stuck in the throws of mid-terms, the not-quite-as-evil step sister of final exams (which will be here before we know it). In order to survive these woes, one might have no choice but to pull an all-nighter. Some of you are veterans, some of you are babies starting your first 12 hour study-crawl. In preparation, here are a few tips to getcha started:
- Be sure to procrastinate
until the night before. Many students perform well under pressure, so
the later you start the better. If an exam is the cause of such frantic
cramming, be sure to neglect reading any chapters assigned in advance,
that way the room in your brain will still be available. If writing an
essay is what you are aiming to accomplish, make sure your writer’s block
is at full functioning capacity; knowing exactly what to say or analyze
would be far too easy. Whatever happens, remember sleep is never an
- Stock up on Mountain Dew or all the energy drinks you
can find. (You can also throw in
a few candy bars for that extra sugar.) Pulling an All-Nighter is by no
means healthy, but health is going to have to take a back seat for the
sake of the prospective A, maybe a high B. Chug a Mountain Dew then do ten
jumping jacks to really get that heart rate up. If you feel like you can
jog about twelve miles, you are on the right track.
- Make time for breaks. If you feel the least bit daunted, repeat step two. If you are
still awake and aware, keep your brain running by doing one of the
following activities: dance to your favorite song, compulsively brush your
teeth, or make funny faces at yourself in the mirror. The latter tends to
be the best method because the darker the night, the funnier everything
seems to be. Once you have reached the point of hysteria, capture that
momentum and bottle it for later. Only return to that state when you feel
like sleep is closing in, which I assure you will happen.
- Unplug your Internet cord unless the connection
is absolutely necessary. Facebook is your arch nemesis, being the biggest
distraction of all; not even sleep can conquer the mighty social network.
As a distraction to yourself, try texting a friend in the same class and
inquire about their progress with the assignment, because it is common
knowledge that everyone is doing the exact same thing. If their response
is a negative one commenting on their struggles, take comfort in the fact
that you are ahead of them and continue to press on. Feel free to gloat in
the confines of your mind. If their response is of a positive
connotation, suggesting they are almost finished and on to the heavenly
illusion of sleep, fuel that anger into motivation to get done and power
through those last paragraphs.
- When you are nearing the closing moments of the assignment, stop a second and test out your printer. It is very important that the printer understands who is in control. Be careful how many printing tests you run, for when you finally click the print button for your paper, the universe will speak and inform you the cartridge levels are too low. If you somehow manage to slip by that, expect a paper jam, or even more likely, the printer will not even receive the signal from the computer no matter what that blasted pop-up says. When faced with such opposition, try threatening to smash the machine against the dorm wall or suggest investing in a Mac for next year. That will get both your PC and printer’s attention; possibly any technological devices within 20 yards, too. If you own a more daring printer, then be sure to try affectionate speech; the thicker you lay it on, the more likely the printer will comply with your wishes. If that still does not work, all you have left to do is pray.